Early Morning Musings

Well, I can't sleep so I thought I'd write. After a night of tossing and turning, trying to stay comfortable in my pregnant body while be connected to a chemotherapy pump, I watched the clock for another hour before deciding to get up. Tonight, the big problems are heartburn and leg cramps. And the baby is tossing and turning inside me, too. I love it, but I really need some sleep.

My poor daughter, Georgia, had a rough afternoon yesterday. She came home from school and was a good girl spending an hour or so doing her homework before watching any tv. After she got dressed for her first dance classes of the season, Georgia was bounding down the stairs with her usual vigor and missed the last three. With that came a flood of tears and many bruises. We sat on the floor together for about 5 minutes before she was able to collect herself and go to dance.

Then after dance, we took her friend Skylar home. The two ran to her front door and somehow Georgia tripped again, this time making a face plant on Skylar's cement sidewalk and front step. This time, Georgia ended up with a mouth full of blood and a skint knee. Very traumatic. Through her blood and tears, Georgia said her life is so rough (which is a saying she has used from time to time since all my stuff began). Poor thing. My heart aches for her at times like that. I hope that her fat lip is better when she gets up in a few hours and she can put this past her quickly. And that she doesn't fall down today.

A weird thing happened late Monday night. Around 9:30 p.m., our caller id lights up with the name of my former OB-GYN's name. Our bedroom phone ringer is always on mute and I was drifting off to sleep and didn't pick up the phone in time. Intrigued, I listen to the message and learn that it is from Georgia's new soccer coach - who's wife is my former OB-GYN. I haven't spoken to her since March 7 when I had to go into her office to have bloodwork to confirm my pregnancy. That was the day that she told me I had to terminate because I couldn't be treated for cancer while in early pregnancy and that I had to put my family as it existed first and end my dreams of ever having another child. That was one of the toughest doctor's visits I/we have had. After pressing this doctor further to seek a referral to anyone who has worked with pregnant cancer patients, she connected us to the high risk group - Center for Maternal-Fetal Medicine at Evanston Northshore Hospital. They are the ones who restored our confidence a few days later when we met with the director, Dr. Scott McGregor, who happened to be a specialist on pregnant cancer patients. This also coincided with the introduction to Dr. Theriault at M.D. Anderson who was equally confident.

So, we begin soccer season this Saturday when I have to come face-to-face with my former OB-GYN. I think she'll be surprised to see me at 32 weeks pregnant after having a mastectomy and receiving 6 rounds of chemo. I do have her to thank for insisting I have mammograms before age 40 (although she did not follow up with me but once after my breast cancer diagnosis) and giving us the referral to Maternal-Fetal Medicine. As we all know, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe this opportunity to sit with her at soccer games on for the next 10 Saturdays is His way of telling me to get over my lingering anger of my last dealings with her, to thank her for setting us on the right path and to show her that you can keep a pregnancy and still be treated for cancer.

Right now, I'm really missing my dog Duke. In the quietness of the house, I miss the sound of him snoring in his sleep. Thankfully, all I have to do is listen to P.J. snore and think about how they both would drive me crazy and sometimes wake me up at night. How long does it take to stop missing your old dog friend? (sob)

Today, my dear friends Katie and Sarah are coming over and bringing me lunch. I'm really looking forward to catching up with them since we haven't spent a lot of time together since the year we worked on the 2008 LFCDS Auction. Also today, my sweetest sister-in-law Molly is making us one of her famous health-conscience, yummy dinners. I am definitely spoiled! We have never eaten so well!

This weekend, we are planning to see our old friends, Scott, Julie and Davis, who will be in town from Mississippi for an iconic Chicago weekend. I'm envious of their plans to catch two U2 concerts, a Cubs' game and play tourists during a beautiful early fall weekend in Chicago. So glad that we can go into the city to see them on Sunday.

Since I'm up so early, I think I'll surprise P.J. and Georgia with a special homemade breakfast treat. They will be shocked to come down the stairs this morning to the smells of banana-chocolate chip monkey bread. They'll probably wonder who brought us breakfast! Better get cooking.

Thanks for putting up to my early morning musings. Hope y'all have a great day!

xxoo
Jana