I'm still recovering from a big night last night. My awesome book club friends and breast cancer "big sister" Susanne held a celebration dinner for our miracle baby. For all practical purposes, it was a couples baby shower with a sit-down dinner for 50. It was an amazing evening where P.J. and I were surrounded by some of our closest friends who have been there for us every step of the way during this amazing journey. We were overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends showering us with fabulous (and frivolous) gifts for our baby boy and touched by all the kind words of support and love. Many of us were in tears when we weren't laughing our fannies off. Good times that I'll never forget.
My dear Great Aunt Margaret passed away on September 11. We are all relieved that she didn't suffer long from her kidney failure. That was my last day of chemo (before the baby is born). My cousin Anna called to share the news while I was having a non-stress test at Maternal-Fetal Medicine. Fortunately, I sent her call into voice mail which I picked up later and then had my cry fest. Aunt Margaret's cynicism and humor will be greatly missed.
The same night Aunt Margaret died, I put my exhausted self to bed early at 6 p.m. while P.J. took Georgia to a family dinner for the Kevin Gorter Memorial Golf Outing. During the dinner, they bought three raffle tickets for door prizes. P.J. put a ticket in each of our names. Ironically, my name was drawn and I (we) won a MacBook computer. Georgia claimed it and ran off. We're still fighting over it. I NEVER win anything.
At Georgia's first soccer game of the season, her coach's wife who is my former OBGYN approached me immediately and asked if it was uncomfortable for me to be there with her after what had happened between us at the beginning of my breast cancer diagnosis and pregnancy. I told her that I wasn't uncomfortable with her, but was glad we had a chance to be together so we could talk. I caught her up on my health and told her that if she ever comes across another patient in my situation that she please will treat them differently and refer them to M.D. Anderson and Evanston/Northshore Maternal-Fetal Medicine. She expressed her feelings about me and my situation saying that she is thrilled that it is all working out. I thanked her for insisting I have early mammograms that may have saved my life. It's all good now. I can comfortably spend the rest of the soccer season sitting with her beside the field.
Georgia announced to P.J. and me yesterday in all seriousness that she is a vampire-in-training. What?! She explained how it happened when she was in the north Georgia mountains this summer when she supposedly was bit on the neck by a bat. She went into great detail about how her fangs haven't come in yet and that she still was a girl that could be outside during the day and didn't have to drink blood, but could just have red Gatorade. We were cracking up, but she was so serious and has kept this up even today. Hmmmmm ... makes me wonder if there is any truth to this! (just kidding)
Thank you to the Cancer Warriors organization in my hometown of Griffin, Georgia. They have been praying for my recovery and for my family, sending me notes of encouragement, and a wonderful care package. They even organized a large group to ride their motorcycles to Warm Springs and back and a cyclist wore my name on his wrist band. It is heartwarming to have people you don't know do things like this for you.
I had a huge burst of energy this past Friday and baked eight pecan pies. Never in my life have I baked so many at once. I was on a roll. They were for the hosts of the party on Saturday night. It was actually very enjoyable. What fun to bake in my new oven!
My cradle cap is gross. I can't stop scratching it and making it snow. Ahhhh, the joys of losing your hair.
Those are all my random thoughts for tonight. It's past time for bed. I'll be in touch when I have something interesting to share.
Take care!
Love,
Jana
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Early Morning Musings
Well, I can't sleep so I thought I'd write. After a night of tossing and turning, trying to stay comfortable in my pregnant body while be connected to a chemotherapy pump, I watched the clock for another hour before deciding to get up. Tonight, the big problems are heartburn and leg cramps. And the baby is tossing and turning inside me, too. I love it, but I really need some sleep.
My poor daughter, Georgia, had a rough afternoon yesterday. She came home from school and was a good girl spending an hour or so doing her homework before watching any tv. After she got dressed for her first dance classes of the season, Georgia was bounding down the stairs with her usual vigor and missed the last three. With that came a flood of tears and many bruises. We sat on the floor together for about 5 minutes before she was able to collect herself and go to dance.
Then after dance, we took her friend Skylar home. The two ran to her front door and somehow Georgia tripped again, this time making a face plant on Skylar's cement sidewalk and front step. This time, Georgia ended up with a mouth full of blood and a skint knee. Very traumatic. Through her blood and tears, Georgia said her life is so rough (which is a saying she has used from time to time since all my stuff began). Poor thing. My heart aches for her at times like that. I hope that her fat lip is better when she gets up in a few hours and she can put this past her quickly. And that she doesn't fall down today.
A weird thing happened late Monday night. Around 9:30 p.m., our caller id lights up with the name of my former OB-GYN's name. Our bedroom phone ringer is always on mute and I was drifting off to sleep and didn't pick up the phone in time. Intrigued, I listen to the message and learn that it is from Georgia's new soccer coach - who's wife is my former OB-GYN. I haven't spoken to her since March 7 when I had to go into her office to have bloodwork to confirm my pregnancy. That was the day that she told me I had to terminate because I couldn't be treated for cancer while in early pregnancy and that I had to put my family as it existed first and end my dreams of ever having another child. That was one of the toughest doctor's visits I/we have had. After pressing this doctor further to seek a referral to anyone who has worked with pregnant cancer patients, she connected us to the high risk group - Center for Maternal-Fetal Medicine at Evanston Northshore Hospital. They are the ones who restored our confidence a few days later when we met with the director, Dr. Scott McGregor, who happened to be a specialist on pregnant cancer patients. This also coincided with the introduction to Dr. Theriault at M.D. Anderson who was equally confident.
So, we begin soccer season this Saturday when I have to come face-to-face with my former OB-GYN. I think she'll be surprised to see me at 32 weeks pregnant after having a mastectomy and receiving 6 rounds of chemo. I do have her to thank for insisting I have mammograms before age 40 (although she did not follow up with me but once after my breast cancer diagnosis) and giving us the referral to Maternal-Fetal Medicine. As we all know, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe this opportunity to sit with her at soccer games on for the next 10 Saturdays is His way of telling me to get over my lingering anger of my last dealings with her, to thank her for setting us on the right path and to show her that you can keep a pregnancy and still be treated for cancer.
Right now, I'm really missing my dog Duke. In the quietness of the house, I miss the sound of him snoring in his sleep. Thankfully, all I have to do is listen to P.J. snore and think about how they both would drive me crazy and sometimes wake me up at night. How long does it take to stop missing your old dog friend? (sob)
Today, my dear friends Katie and Sarah are coming over and bringing me lunch. I'm really looking forward to catching up with them since we haven't spent a lot of time together since the year we worked on the 2008 LFCDS Auction. Also today, my sweetest sister-in-law Molly is making us one of her famous health-conscience, yummy dinners. I am definitely spoiled! We have never eaten so well!
This weekend, we are planning to see our old friends, Scott, Julie and Davis, who will be in town from Mississippi for an iconic Chicago weekend. I'm envious of their plans to catch two U2 concerts, a Cubs' game and play tourists during a beautiful early fall weekend in Chicago. So glad that we can go into the city to see them on Sunday.
Since I'm up so early, I think I'll surprise P.J. and Georgia with a special homemade breakfast treat. They will be shocked to come down the stairs this morning to the smells of banana-chocolate chip monkey bread. They'll probably wonder who brought us breakfast! Better get cooking.
Thanks for putting up to my early morning musings. Hope y'all have a great day!
xxoo
Jana
My poor daughter, Georgia, had a rough afternoon yesterday. She came home from school and was a good girl spending an hour or so doing her homework before watching any tv. After she got dressed for her first dance classes of the season, Georgia was bounding down the stairs with her usual vigor and missed the last three. With that came a flood of tears and many bruises. We sat on the floor together for about 5 minutes before she was able to collect herself and go to dance.
Then after dance, we took her friend Skylar home. The two ran to her front door and somehow Georgia tripped again, this time making a face plant on Skylar's cement sidewalk and front step. This time, Georgia ended up with a mouth full of blood and a skint knee. Very traumatic. Through her blood and tears, Georgia said her life is so rough (which is a saying she has used from time to time since all my stuff began). Poor thing. My heart aches for her at times like that. I hope that her fat lip is better when she gets up in a few hours and she can put this past her quickly. And that she doesn't fall down today.
A weird thing happened late Monday night. Around 9:30 p.m., our caller id lights up with the name of my former OB-GYN's name. Our bedroom phone ringer is always on mute and I was drifting off to sleep and didn't pick up the phone in time. Intrigued, I listen to the message and learn that it is from Georgia's new soccer coach - who's wife is my former OB-GYN. I haven't spoken to her since March 7 when I had to go into her office to have bloodwork to confirm my pregnancy. That was the day that she told me I had to terminate because I couldn't be treated for cancer while in early pregnancy and that I had to put my family as it existed first and end my dreams of ever having another child. That was one of the toughest doctor's visits I/we have had. After pressing this doctor further to seek a referral to anyone who has worked with pregnant cancer patients, she connected us to the high risk group - Center for Maternal-Fetal Medicine at Evanston Northshore Hospital. They are the ones who restored our confidence a few days later when we met with the director, Dr. Scott McGregor, who happened to be a specialist on pregnant cancer patients. This also coincided with the introduction to Dr. Theriault at M.D. Anderson who was equally confident.
So, we begin soccer season this Saturday when I have to come face-to-face with my former OB-GYN. I think she'll be surprised to see me at 32 weeks pregnant after having a mastectomy and receiving 6 rounds of chemo. I do have her to thank for insisting I have mammograms before age 40 (although she did not follow up with me but once after my breast cancer diagnosis) and giving us the referral to Maternal-Fetal Medicine. As we all know, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe this opportunity to sit with her at soccer games on for the next 10 Saturdays is His way of telling me to get over my lingering anger of my last dealings with her, to thank her for setting us on the right path and to show her that you can keep a pregnancy and still be treated for cancer.
Right now, I'm really missing my dog Duke. In the quietness of the house, I miss the sound of him snoring in his sleep. Thankfully, all I have to do is listen to P.J. snore and think about how they both would drive me crazy and sometimes wake me up at night. How long does it take to stop missing your old dog friend? (sob)
Today, my dear friends Katie and Sarah are coming over and bringing me lunch. I'm really looking forward to catching up with them since we haven't spent a lot of time together since the year we worked on the 2008 LFCDS Auction. Also today, my sweetest sister-in-law Molly is making us one of her famous health-conscience, yummy dinners. I am definitely spoiled! We have never eaten so well!
This weekend, we are planning to see our old friends, Scott, Julie and Davis, who will be in town from Mississippi for an iconic Chicago weekend. I'm envious of their plans to catch two U2 concerts, a Cubs' game and play tourists during a beautiful early fall weekend in Chicago. So glad that we can go into the city to see them on Sunday.
Since I'm up so early, I think I'll surprise P.J. and Georgia with a special homemade breakfast treat. They will be shocked to come down the stairs this morning to the smells of banana-chocolate chip monkey bread. They'll probably wonder who brought us breakfast! Better get cooking.
Thanks for putting up to my early morning musings. Hope y'all have a great day!
xxoo
Jana
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Great Hair Adventure
Taken in July, the view under my hat and scarf. I can't believe that I'm actually posting this photo. I've definitely lost all sense of modesty!Georgia and me in late June.
During my second round of chemo - trying to hide my pregnancy bump until we were ready to share our news. I as about 19 weeks pregnant.
First major hair loss on June 20 during a shower. Glad I had my hair cut short weeks before (minus 10 inches). Even though I've lost a ton of hair, I just don't want to shave it off. I may be kidding myself, but I think a little scraggly hair peaking out from under a hat or scarf makes me look less sick than a bald head. Am already thinking about coming back as a brunette - like in my youth. Everyone will have to wait and see!
Baby's Last Round of Chemo
It's hard to believe that I began my 6th round of chemo today. These treatments have really flown by. I'm currently on my Adriamycin pump until Friday - always a bummer. At 31 weeks, my baby boy is doing really well. It's tough to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time as I'm constantly having to readjust my belly, hips, pump or go to the loo. I try to catch up during the day with naps.
My blood counts have rebounded from last week and since I'm on Decadrone (a steroid) this week, I finally have some energy. All my doctors are exceedingly pleased with both mine and the baby's progress. P.J. and I also feel very good about everything and keep hoping it lasts. :)
I spent a lot of the Labor Day weekend resting. I just didn't have the drive to get much done. It was nice to go swimming yesterday in Posy's pool and to feel buoyant with my belly and tissue expanders.
Would you believe at my ultrasound last week that the technician saw HAIR on our son? Amazing! He may have more hair at birth than his mom and dad do! I think I'm experiencing another period of hair loss as I'm shedding a little more heavily again and my eyebrows are starting to look more skimpy. Despite that, my leg hair is still growing and I still have to shave. The nurses were telling me today that normally with Adriamycin, I should be hairless by now - all over my body. I still have hair all over - inside my nose, arms, torso, etc. We are all amazed by this. I do have a case of cradle cap as my scalp is very scalely. Nice. Don't you love the unique grooming problems I have?
I'm very sad to share that my awesome Great Aunt Margaret is experiencing kidney failure. She's 89-years-old and is a pistol. She lives in Atlanta and just moved into hospice today. She called me last month and we had a very lively conversation. I'll treasure that as there is no way that I can travel down there to see her in her final days. Aunt Margaret is an amazing woman.
I'm going to go to bed now. I'm reading a great book called "The Middle Place," by Kelly Corrigan. She writes of her firsthand account of having breast cancer as a 37-year-old mom while dealing with her father's late stage bladder cancer. I sometimes like to read about other's experiences - depending on their attitude and the outcome.
I'll write more this week.
xxoo
Jana
My blood counts have rebounded from last week and since I'm on Decadrone (a steroid) this week, I finally have some energy. All my doctors are exceedingly pleased with both mine and the baby's progress. P.J. and I also feel very good about everything and keep hoping it lasts. :)
I spent a lot of the Labor Day weekend resting. I just didn't have the drive to get much done. It was nice to go swimming yesterday in Posy's pool and to feel buoyant with my belly and tissue expanders.
Would you believe at my ultrasound last week that the technician saw HAIR on our son? Amazing! He may have more hair at birth than his mom and dad do! I think I'm experiencing another period of hair loss as I'm shedding a little more heavily again and my eyebrows are starting to look more skimpy. Despite that, my leg hair is still growing and I still have to shave. The nurses were telling me today that normally with Adriamycin, I should be hairless by now - all over my body. I still have hair all over - inside my nose, arms, torso, etc. We are all amazed by this. I do have a case of cradle cap as my scalp is very scalely. Nice. Don't you love the unique grooming problems I have?
I'm very sad to share that my awesome Great Aunt Margaret is experiencing kidney failure. She's 89-years-old and is a pistol. She lives in Atlanta and just moved into hospice today. She called me last month and we had a very lively conversation. I'll treasure that as there is no way that I can travel down there to see her in her final days. Aunt Margaret is an amazing woman.
I'm going to go to bed now. I'm reading a great book called "The Middle Place," by Kelly Corrigan. She writes of her firsthand account of having breast cancer as a 37-year-old mom while dealing with her father's late stage bladder cancer. I sometimes like to read about other's experiences - depending on their attitude and the outcome.
I'll write more this week.
xxoo
Jana
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Due Date Update and More!
Hello dear friends and family,
Just wanted to update y'all on our latest developments. Most importantly, we have an official induction date - Monday, October 19. I will be 37 weeks pregnant and the baby should be ready to be born. I could go in the week before; however since I would be 36 weeks pregnant, Maternal - Fetal Medicine would require me to have an amniocentisis (sp) to check the development of the baby's lungs to see if they are mature enough for him to be born without complications. Not wanting to do that, I negotiated an additional week with my oncologist and obstetricians to be assured that our baby will be as healthy as possible.
I'm also pleased that while I'm in the hospital, my reconstructive surgeon will perform a procedure to swap out my tissue expanders with breast implants. This will happen a day or two after I give birth and will give me the chance to recover in the hospital vs. going straight home following this surgery (since it is normally offered as an out-patient procedure). Since I'm not able to breast feed my son anyway, I am delighted that I can have this done now, which helps me get closer to completing all my care. My breasts have to be reconstructed before I begin radiation (because the radiated skin is different) and I have to be off chemo for about 3 weeks before doing this and then recover for at least two weeks before beginning radiation and I so desparately want to wrap all this up by spring break next year.
My sixth and last round of chemo (FAC) before delivery is next week - Tuesday - Friday. I will spend the following weeks recovering and getting my white blood count back up to normal range in order to be strong for the birth. Probably 2-3 weeks after birth, I will begin my next stage of chemo called Taxol, which will be administered by IV ekly for 12 weeks. Am told that whatever hair has grown during my approximately 8 weeks off treatment while then fall out (an maybe the hair I have stubbornly held onto). Am also told Taxol shouldn't be has rough on my system as FAC (which really hasn't been that bad). Shortly after completing Taxol early next year, I will have radiation for probably 30 rounds (Monday - Friday lasting for 6 weeks). Have yet to meet with the radiation oncologist to set that up, but am told to expect a schedule like that.
So here I am, just a day shy of being 31 weeks pregnant. When asked how I feel, I say that I feel more pregnant than "cancer girl" (can I still call myself a girl at age 40?). Sometimes it's difficult to separate the symptoms of one from the other. For the most part, I am tired to the core. This is my "off week" before my next round of chemo, so that is to be expected. Meanwhile, my hips ache all the time from the pregnancy making it really tough to get a good night's sleep in addition to having to get up to go to the bathroom 3-4 times each night, plus the occasional heartburn and leg cramps. I've wanted another child for so long that I don't mind the discomfort.
My swollen belly becomes distorted when the baby stretches and moves around. He constantly reminds me that he is in there and is very much alive, healthy and is growing stronger day by day. He is such a miracle and has made this cancer journey much more tolerable.
Just when we thought we had our hands full enough, something else happens. Last week, I was driving home from Grayslake and was stopped at a red light when I was rear-ended. Fortunately, I was ok and declined to take an ambulance ride to the hospital. I felt really bad for the kid who hit me who was born the year I graduated from high school (1987). After being concerned for me, he shared his concern about soon-to-be rising premium for car insurance. I reminded him it could have been worse.
Today I picked up Duke's paw print at the vet. This time I didn't cry in their office. Honestly, the whole staff came out to see what I thought of the print as they were very proud of the final product. Fortunately, I had written them a thank you note and had a pound of my friend's amazing toffee (Kristen Weisberg's Toffee Traditions - you must try it if your haven't yet) to give them in appreciation for all their care and concern. This also gave me the chance to tell them how freaky it was to receive a Ziplock bag of my dog's fur during my previous visit. We all laughed as we remembered Duke and his gas. Glad all that is over now.
Georgia finally started 3rd grade today. To say that she is happy to be back is an understatement. She woke us up at 5:30 this morning - all chipper and ready for the big day. P.J. and I are also happy that she is back in her nurturing environment at Lake Forest Country Day School.
Didn't mean for this entry to be so long. As you know by now, when I finally make the time to write, I want to get it all out there. So now you have our latest and greatest. Continue to keep us in your prayers.
Much love,
Jana
Just wanted to update y'all on our latest developments. Most importantly, we have an official induction date - Monday, October 19. I will be 37 weeks pregnant and the baby should be ready to be born. I could go in the week before; however since I would be 36 weeks pregnant, Maternal - Fetal Medicine would require me to have an amniocentisis (sp) to check the development of the baby's lungs to see if they are mature enough for him to be born without complications. Not wanting to do that, I negotiated an additional week with my oncologist and obstetricians to be assured that our baby will be as healthy as possible.
I'm also pleased that while I'm in the hospital, my reconstructive surgeon will perform a procedure to swap out my tissue expanders with breast implants. This will happen a day or two after I give birth and will give me the chance to recover in the hospital vs. going straight home following this surgery (since it is normally offered as an out-patient procedure). Since I'm not able to breast feed my son anyway, I am delighted that I can have this done now, which helps me get closer to completing all my care. My breasts have to be reconstructed before I begin radiation (because the radiated skin is different) and I have to be off chemo for about 3 weeks before doing this and then recover for at least two weeks before beginning radiation and I so desparately want to wrap all this up by spring break next year.
My sixth and last round of chemo (FAC) before delivery is next week - Tuesday - Friday. I will spend the following weeks recovering and getting my white blood count back up to normal range in order to be strong for the birth. Probably 2-3 weeks after birth, I will begin my next stage of chemo called Taxol, which will be administered by IV ekly for 12 weeks. Am told that whatever hair has grown during my approximately 8 weeks off treatment while then fall out (an maybe the hair I have stubbornly held onto). Am also told Taxol shouldn't be has rough on my system as FAC (which really hasn't been that bad). Shortly after completing Taxol early next year, I will have radiation for probably 30 rounds (Monday - Friday lasting for 6 weeks). Have yet to meet with the radiation oncologist to set that up, but am told to expect a schedule like that.
So here I am, just a day shy of being 31 weeks pregnant. When asked how I feel, I say that I feel more pregnant than "cancer girl" (can I still call myself a girl at age 40?). Sometimes it's difficult to separate the symptoms of one from the other. For the most part, I am tired to the core. This is my "off week" before my next round of chemo, so that is to be expected. Meanwhile, my hips ache all the time from the pregnancy making it really tough to get a good night's sleep in addition to having to get up to go to the bathroom 3-4 times each night, plus the occasional heartburn and leg cramps. I've wanted another child for so long that I don't mind the discomfort.
My swollen belly becomes distorted when the baby stretches and moves around. He constantly reminds me that he is in there and is very much alive, healthy and is growing stronger day by day. He is such a miracle and has made this cancer journey much more tolerable.
Just when we thought we had our hands full enough, something else happens. Last week, I was driving home from Grayslake and was stopped at a red light when I was rear-ended. Fortunately, I was ok and declined to take an ambulance ride to the hospital. I felt really bad for the kid who hit me who was born the year I graduated from high school (1987). After being concerned for me, he shared his concern about soon-to-be rising premium for car insurance. I reminded him it could have been worse.
Today I picked up Duke's paw print at the vet. This time I didn't cry in their office. Honestly, the whole staff came out to see what I thought of the print as they were very proud of the final product. Fortunately, I had written them a thank you note and had a pound of my friend's amazing toffee (Kristen Weisberg's Toffee Traditions - you must try it if your haven't yet) to give them in appreciation for all their care and concern. This also gave me the chance to tell them how freaky it was to receive a Ziplock bag of my dog's fur during my previous visit. We all laughed as we remembered Duke and his gas. Glad all that is over now.
Georgia finally started 3rd grade today. To say that she is happy to be back is an understatement. She woke us up at 5:30 this morning - all chipper and ready for the big day. P.J. and I are also happy that she is back in her nurturing environment at Lake Forest Country Day School.
Didn't mean for this entry to be so long. As you know by now, when I finally make the time to write, I want to get it all out there. So now you have our latest and greatest. Continue to keep us in your prayers.
Much love,
Jana
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