I was a little too optimistic

Last week during chemo, the worst part was carrying around the pump. The steroid I was given made me feel AWESOME! I had a lot of energy and thought this isn't so bad. What are they talking about - fatigue, nausea, headaches? I experienced none of that. Well, once I was off the steroid, I crashed so hard. After a good morning on Saturday with my mom and family, I spent from midday on in bed for the rest of the weekend. I experienced the "chemo hangover" with the excrutiating headache and extreme fatigue. I had nothing left to give. And on top of it, I caught Georgia's cold - fever, cough, sore throat, ears, teeth. I'm still recovering today (Tuesday). Wow. I was kidding myself thinking this was easy.

Today was the day I've dreaded since my diagnosis ... I handful of hair fell out. I've been so gentle with it for the past week and today I wore my cute hot pink enamel J.Crew rubberband to pull it back. When I took it out, about 50 hairs came with it - not normal (5 or so is usual). Maybe it was just because of the rubber band - or maybe because it was going to happen anyway. So - tomorrow I plan to wash and style my hair - go get that passport picture made since my passport expired in January - and enjoy the final day of swinging my long hair. I now understand why everyone recommends patients with long hair get it cut short before it falls out on its own.

I just picked up a cute book called 'Crazy Sexy Cancer.' It's a fun read and is inspirational.

Found out today that a friend pursued a MRI and biopsy following a suspicious mammogram. She's fine, but they will keep a close eye on her breasts from now on. She told me that she only did the tests because my cancer was a wake up call that it could happen to anyone. I'm proud of her for getting checked out and know in my heart that she will be fine.

Thanks for listening. Write me sometime. It means a lot to hear from each of you!

xxoo
Jana

First chemo cycle down!

I've been busy since I last wrote. Sorry for the abrupt ending. Georgia got off to school just fine. Woke up again yesterday at 5:45 a.m. because she was so excited about her special birthday snack at school (high heel chocolate chip cookie shoes and lemonade). Got a call from the school nurse shortly before noon saying she had a fever and stomach ache. Georgia took some Tylenol and lasted through the day for snack, but I kept her home from her soccer game. Finally she went to bed early and woke up about midnight burning up with fever. Will keep her home from today's soccer game, too. Poor girl.

As I was saying before about chemo, I have a 72-hour infusion that was taken out yesterday (day 4 of my 21 day treatment cycles). Then more 5-FU and a few other medications are given to me through IV. On day 1 of chemo, I begin with an exam, bloodwork, then infusions of 5-FU and Cytoxin as well as some anti-nausea medications. This lasts about 2.5 hours. The 2 weeks between the cycles, I go back for bloodwork to check my counts, then repeat chemo on week 3.

I have to say the worst part of the chemo this first time was when the sweet nurses accessed my port in my inside upper arm. It hadn't healed enough and is in a tender spot anyway. I cried and clawed P.J.'s hand while two nurses struggled with me. After a while it settled down (with the help of some Ativan). I felt like a child getting vaccinations! Later in the week, I could actually feel the Adriamycin flowing into my chest wall - a very strange sensation.

For the 4 days, I carried my pump in a shoulder bag. Yesterday, my nurse Cathy brought in one of her own fanny packs for me to use next time. Very sweet of her since she knew that my shoulder bag was getting in the way while at home doing housework. Wouldn't wear a fanny pack in public but if you stop by to see me while I'm on the pump at home, you can count on seeing me wearing a black Eddie Bauer fanny pack!

I've decided it's time to cut my hair. It should begin falling out in a week or two so I thought I would try a cute short cut this week and donate my hair to Locks of Love. Georgia is going with me and will get a summer bob that will be easier for her to maintain with constant swimming. We're going to the salon on Thursay and will get our nails done and go out for sushi or a treat. As you know, this haircut will be quite a change for me - as will be bald. Haven't had a short cut since my bad one in the 7th grade styled like Princess Diana!

I just learned that a 39-year-old woman I met this spring decided she should get a mammogram herself for peace of mind. Unfortunately, she discovered she had breast cancer; but fortunately it was early and she has begun her treatments. She just saw me and thought if this could happen to someone like me, it could happen to any of us. I am grateful to all those who are getting this checked out - for your sake and your families.

A friend just emailed me to say that she went in for a mammogram and because she wasn't 40 yet, insurance wouldn't cover it. How ridiculous! Since we have Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO, we have been so fortunate to have everything covered - for years. How could an insurance company deny someone a diagnostic test that could possibly save them money down the road? I know that they are in the business of making money - but for the sake of their clients' health. It has to cost less to diagnosis a desease and treat it early than when it has progressed? Makes me so angry.

Well - to end on a lighter note - I'm trying to use up all my 'Blonde Glam' shampoo this week. I switched from 'Color Extend' shortly after my diagnosis. Thought I should live every day as 'Blonde Glam' instead!

Have a happy weekend! I will!

xxoo
Jana

Can't sleep!

Good morning! I'm up early because Georgia woke up at 4:30 with a nightmare and then I couldn't go back to sleep. Instead of laying in bed listening to the birds and watching the early light from my windows, I thought I would motivate myself to write.

As you may know, I began chemotherapy on Tuesday. This is day 3 of my 72-hour infusion of Adramycin that I wear and do at home (thank goodness). It comes in a pump measuring 5 x 10 inches and weighs about 6 pounds with a probably a six foot long tube attached to a port in my upper left arm. The biggest challenge for me is not getting the tube caught on anything.

Oh no! It's about 5:40 now and Georgia hears me up! This is going to make for a really long day for her at school. This means that she didn't go back to sleep either. And I hear her putting on her uniform for school which she doesn't have to attend until 8:00. Oh boy. After I deal with her, I'll write more.

xxoo
Jana

Checking the blog off today's "to do list"

Hey y'all. I think about writing on this often, but don' thave the energy to do it. It's always on my "to do list" every day, but I usually accomplish very little on my list each day. I start my days strong with the best intentions and big goals, but by early afternoon, all I want to do is rest - so when I do, I'm usually done for the day. It's crazy to feel so tired all the time. I try to reserve my energy for Georgia - which is never enough. P.J. gets the privilege of serving me a tray of dinner in bed and then clearing it of all my books and magazines when I fall asleep with the lights on. I hope that when I'm on chemo, that my energy level won't diminish even further.

So, here I am. I have a lot to say. P.J. just says to write and not worry about how I say things or the grammar - just to do it when I have the energy. So, here goes:

• Turning 40 really wasn't a big deal. I had champagne with some friends the other night to celebrate and it was perfect. I've come to realize about myself that I don't enjoy huge groups of people or being the center of attention as much as I did in my youth. I relish one on one visits and intimate groups of people. I've received lots of lovely cards, emails, calls, gifts, etc. I appreciate all the good wishes. I do hope to do something really big and special next year to celebrate - like the trip to Italy we've been wanting to do since going there on our honeymoon almost 12 years ago.
• My mother thinks that I need to share more details about my medical experience/progress/whatever. My doctors' appointments are becoming routine and I don't feel the need to share that I have to have another physical before getting my port in because my last one was over 30 days ago or that I saw my reconstructive surgeon who is pleased with my progress - or that I had to have a professional breast massage because my tissue expanders are so painfully hard and my chest muscles are aching. All y'all need to know is the basics - that I have good days and bad ones. But that I'll be fine in the end.
• I'm really annoyed with the general consensus about women beginning mamograms when they turn 40. As we all know, that is too late. Breast cancer is happening more and more frequently to women in their 30's. If I had waited any longer to find and act on my breast cancer, then I probably would have been a stage 3 and this would have been even more serious. My message to all young women is HAVE A MAMOGRAM WHEN YOUR TURN 35. Insurance covers it and you will have something to compare future mamograms to. My tumors were 4.1 cm and 2 cm which means that they could have been growing in my body for up to 10 years. It takes years before they are large enough to feel or even show up on diagnostic tests. Wouldn't you rather know than not know? I only wish that the doctors in the media would spread the same message.
• I just had my port installed on Friday at Evanston Hospital. It was outpatient surgery, but I still had to go through the entire presurgical routine that I did when I had my mastectomy. Fortunately, Dr. Winchester placed it inside my upper left arm so that I won't have a hugely noticeable scar. My arm is now black and blue and is super sore. At least it has time to heal before I begin chemo on Tuesday, May 26.

That's enough musings for one blog entry. I'll save other thoughts for another day. It's beautiful outside and my "to do list" is very long.

Thanks for all the love, support, prayers and good wishes. I couldn't make this journey without y'all!

Love,

Jana

Jana's Birthday

Sorry to throw you all a bit of a head-fake in the last post, but today is actually the next big date on the calendar as it is Jana's Birthday. We've decided that this year's doesn't really count as we can't have too much fun, but thought I'd tell you just the same.

Fortunately, Jana's cousin Anna has come in to town (from Atlanta) to help out a bit and have some fun. She's never been to Lake Forest, so this should be interesting.

All is Good

I know it's been a while, but we really haven't had a whole lot to talk about. Jana got her final drain out last week - huge sigh of relief. Those things are nasty and a bit painful.

She is feeling much better and is up and around a lot.

We saw a bunch of friends over the weekend and had a very nice Mother's Day.

I guess the only thing I have to bitch about is that my formerly modest wife is now showing everyone her boobs. Well, all of her friends at least (Sorry - guys are not included on that list). She's flashing the new girls so often that all we need are a couple of Hurricane's and some beads and our house would be in a perpetual state of Mardi Gras. Don't get me wrong - I am huge fan of her boobs and like to see them as often as possible. I'm just not so sure that everyone else does.

The next big date on our calendar is Tuesday, May 26. That's the day of Jana's first chemo treatment. Not exactly sure what's going to happen, but she's ready to get this stuff going and get rid of the cancer.

Look forward to seeing you all soon.

P.J.

Good news!

I just received my pathology report from my mastectomy. Dr. Winchester (my brilliant oncology surgeon) sent us the report and explained to me that they found everything that they expected - which is very good! We already knew there were two tumors in my right breast (one was 4.1 cm and the other 2 cm) plus one lymph node. Those were found and successfully removed. He took a cluster of 14 lymph nodes and there was only one additional node with metastaticized (sp) cancer. Yeah! Dr. Winchester said it could have been so much worse. After review by his a committee of colleagues, they determined that I do not require radiation. Big yeah! I'm going to share the report with my local oncologist, Dr. Tsarwhas and my oncologist at M.D. Anderson in Houston, Dr. Theriault, to see if they agree.

We are ecstatic! Makes my pain a little more tolerable. :)

Well - I'm off to take a nap. I'm exhausted!

Love to all,
Jana