Checking the blog off today's "to do list"

Hey y'all. I think about writing on this often, but don' thave the energy to do it. It's always on my "to do list" every day, but I usually accomplish very little on my list each day. I start my days strong with the best intentions and big goals, but by early afternoon, all I want to do is rest - so when I do, I'm usually done for the day. It's crazy to feel so tired all the time. I try to reserve my energy for Georgia - which is never enough. P.J. gets the privilege of serving me a tray of dinner in bed and then clearing it of all my books and magazines when I fall asleep with the lights on. I hope that when I'm on chemo, that my energy level won't diminish even further.

So, here I am. I have a lot to say. P.J. just says to write and not worry about how I say things or the grammar - just to do it when I have the energy. So, here goes:

• Turning 40 really wasn't a big deal. I had champagne with some friends the other night to celebrate and it was perfect. I've come to realize about myself that I don't enjoy huge groups of people or being the center of attention as much as I did in my youth. I relish one on one visits and intimate groups of people. I've received lots of lovely cards, emails, calls, gifts, etc. I appreciate all the good wishes. I do hope to do something really big and special next year to celebrate - like the trip to Italy we've been wanting to do since going there on our honeymoon almost 12 years ago.
• My mother thinks that I need to share more details about my medical experience/progress/whatever. My doctors' appointments are becoming routine and I don't feel the need to share that I have to have another physical before getting my port in because my last one was over 30 days ago or that I saw my reconstructive surgeon who is pleased with my progress - or that I had to have a professional breast massage because my tissue expanders are so painfully hard and my chest muscles are aching. All y'all need to know is the basics - that I have good days and bad ones. But that I'll be fine in the end.
• I'm really annoyed with the general consensus about women beginning mamograms when they turn 40. As we all know, that is too late. Breast cancer is happening more and more frequently to women in their 30's. If I had waited any longer to find and act on my breast cancer, then I probably would have been a stage 3 and this would have been even more serious. My message to all young women is HAVE A MAMOGRAM WHEN YOUR TURN 35. Insurance covers it and you will have something to compare future mamograms to. My tumors were 4.1 cm and 2 cm which means that they could have been growing in my body for up to 10 years. It takes years before they are large enough to feel or even show up on diagnostic tests. Wouldn't you rather know than not know? I only wish that the doctors in the media would spread the same message.
• I just had my port installed on Friday at Evanston Hospital. It was outpatient surgery, but I still had to go through the entire presurgical routine that I did when I had my mastectomy. Fortunately, Dr. Winchester placed it inside my upper left arm so that I won't have a hugely noticeable scar. My arm is now black and blue and is super sore. At least it has time to heal before I begin chemo on Tuesday, May 26.

That's enough musings for one blog entry. I'll save other thoughts for another day. It's beautiful outside and my "to do list" is very long.

Thanks for all the love, support, prayers and good wishes. I couldn't make this journey without y'all!

Love,

Jana