Good morning. I'm going to use this blog today as a vehicle to complain a little. I've tried very hard not to complain about anything that has happened to me during these past 27 months - because I know how blessed I truly am. My kind of cancer had the most promising outcome due to the treatment choices that I made and could make because of having the luxury of so many top doctors and facilities at my fingertips. My baby was and is healthy because of the options I had with my care and his in utero. I am surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends. I'm one of the lucky ones.
Today, I am in pain and I need to complain. From my laproscopic hysterectomy last week, I have three incisions on my abdomen ranging in size from one centimeter to one inch. My right incision, which is the one-incher, hurts so much that all I can do is take my Percocet, Motrin and Colace (gotta take a stool softener when you take pain meds for a long time), lay in bed with my heating pad and wait to go to sleep.
All the wonderful medical professionals in my life were so encouraging about my getting the hysterectomy. They said that it was in my best interest for a woman my age after what I've been through to completely eliminate my risk of getting cancer in my reproductive organs. They told me that I was through having babies because of my age, lasting chemotherapy effects on my eggs, the Tamoxifen - not to mention the challenges of miscarriages and fertility treatments we have had since we began in 1999 trying to have children. My dear doctors said that the worst surgeries and recoveries were behind me; this one was not a big deal compared with the others. They said to plan for four weeks of recovery DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Well, that sounded like a vacation for me! Surely, they couldn't mean that I could do absolutely nothing for four weeks - no grocery shopping, no gardening, no laundry (if it means lifting heavier than a gallon of milk), no cleaning out and organizing, etc. AND ABSOLUTELY NO LIFTING PATRICK OR RISK GETTING A HERNIA! OK. Got that message LOUD and CLEAR. So maybe it means that I can work on organizing my photo albums - a project I last visited when I was pregnant with Patrick only getting as far as dividing thousands of photos and negatives into boxes broken down by years going all the way back to 1988. So that's 20 solid years of photos - thankfully, everything since 2008, I stopped printing all my photos and have been filing them on our computer. Now I just have to create those digital photo books. Organizing my precious photos has been weighing on me for years and I know have this gift of time to do just that.
Together with my dear mother-in-law, we made arrangements for the care of the kids for four weeks. Of course, Patrick is the one that needs constant help and supervision. I made a schedule for the first week that included all of Georgia's extracurricular activities and listed the things she needed to do. Patrick's schedule was pretty simple: eat, sleep and play. And stay safe. Jane arranged for a family friend who just returned home from college to help out as needed. In my mind, I thought for sure that the kids could come home after my first few days home where I completely followed the doctor's orders (and my husband's). So I slept a lot and stayed in bed reading and watching reality tv. I left the house for an hour on Saturday to see my kids at the annual spring carnival at the Church of the Holy Spirit. Exhausted, I returned home to my beloved heating pad and bed to nap for six hours. I missed a surprise party that night for my close friend's 40th birthday. I was so disappointed with myself that I didn't feel better yet when I was the perfect patient and followed all my hospital discharge instructions.
On Monday, we had a perfect sunny day in the upper 70's - a sharp contrast to the miserable cold, wet spring days we've had for many weeks. I decided that I was going to will myself to feel good (mind over matter, right?) and not spend the day inside and especially in bed. So I didn't. Most of the day, I sat outside, resting and reading on my outdoor furniture, appreciating the flowers and vegetables that my husband had planted the day before, because I couldn't. What a difference to hear the sounds around me of people enjoying the weather. The smells of grilling, spring blooms and grass being cut made me feel better. This was just what the doctor ordered!
I didn't nap on Monday and had P.J. bring Patrick home at 6 p.m. to sleep at home with us for the first time in a week. Patrick had already had his dinner and bath and was ready for me to love on him very carefully. I sat on the floor with my arms opened trying to get him to come hug me. He wouldn't. He's mad at me that I've been away from him, out of our routine. Patrick's my buddy, my shadow. Most days, I can't wait for P.J. to take Georgia to school so that Patrick and I can have the house to ourselves. At least Patrick won't remember this time when I couldn't take care of him, everyone says. But I remember, I think. Finally after letting Patrick warm up to me for 30 minutes while I play with his favorite cars, he gives me a hug and I get him to snuggle into my arms long enough to cover him with kisses.
Patrick sleeps well at home that night - from 7 p.m. - 6 a.m. We play more and I make him breakfast until he leaves with P.J. at 9 a.m. to go back to GoGo's house for the day. I think to myself "this is the best!" My days are free to work on my photos, nap when needed, take it easy. I get my baby in the evening and morning when I can be fresh and not distracted by anything else. Then I had a cold, rainy Tuesday with gradual increase of pain and drained of energy. All I could do was go to bed. After watching Oprah's next to the last show, I turned off the tv and slept from 10 a.m. until 3 p.m. I couldn't believe it. My breast cancer big sister Susanne stopped over to check on me and I told her about my pain and exhaustion. She had also done this same surgery three years prior and she said this is normal. Since Susanne is also an accomplished vascular surgeon, I have extra confidence in her. She looked at my bandaged incisions and reassured me that I will be fine but that I have to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I told her that I was doing nothing and she questioned me which made me think harder. I realized that while enjoying the weather on Monday, that I had actually pulled some weeds and cleaned out my little fairy garden that is planted in an old galvanized steel washed tub. Hardly, heavy lifting, given how I normally work outside; but obviously enough to kick my butt.
O.K. I get it now. Yesterday wasn't any better. As soon as our sweet cleaning lady could change the sheets on my bed, I was back in it and stayed there until 1:30 p.m. I made myself get up so that I would be able to sleep at night. By 2 p.m., I was burrowed into the sofa in front of my big tv in the sitting room of my kitchen watching Martha Stewart, Nate Berkus, All My Children (let me say how sad I am that it's going off the air this fall) and Extra. This is a luxury that I could not afford if Patrick were under my care. I guess I need to surrender, relax and enjoy. I can't sit still for long.
Today is cold (44 degrees), wet (think we must have gotten 3+ inches of rain in the past 24 hours) and windy. Since our addition was completed two years ago, we've noticed the wind more than ever as it howls around our house year-round. Could it be the aerodynamics changed so much with the addition that it has more area to travel? I digress. Anyway, I am back in bed (you guessed it) with my heating pad. Don't know what to watch on tv now that Oprah's off the air - so that's why I'm writing this. And it has made me feel much better! Time for a nap!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Being Aggressive
Hello! I'm sorry that I haven't written in nearly seven months. We are doing great! Just been living a fairly normal life. I briefly wanted to let y'all know that tomorrow I am having a laparoscopic hysterectomy. This is a preventative measure to avoid developing ovarian or cervical cancer. It's drastic, but with my breast cancer being estrogen positive - I have a higher chance of developing cancer in my reproductive organs. Already I have developed endometrial hyperplasia - a thickening of the lining of my uterus. When I had my port removed and another breast reconstruction on February 11, I had a d&c to take care of this problem. Since the cells tested high in estrogen, this problem would likely reoccur over and over and potentially develop into cancerous cells. Since I have been so aggressive in treating my breast cancer, I want to do everything in my power to avoid further cancer. My recovery will last at least four weeks and I cannot pick up my 26-lb son during this time. It will be challenging, but worth the price to be HEALTHY, cancer-free and here for my family. I will do whatever it takes!
xxoo
Jana
xxoo
Jana
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Happy First Birthday Patrick!
WOW! What a year it's been! Can you believe that a year ago, Patrick was born?! We can't. He is such a precious baby that has brought our family so much joy. Patrick is an amazing gift from God. We are so blessed to have him in our family.
Patrick is the coolest, laid-back, happy baby! He has quite a funny personality. At bedtime/naptime, just when we think he is asleep in our arms - or pretty close to being asleep - and is transferred into his crib, Patrick almost always rolls over, sits up, then stands up and tosses his head back with a belly-laugh. We melt. How can you not laugh when he does that? Just this week, Patrick has begun walking. He takes a few steps, then sits down. He is so proud of himself.
Patrick babbles "Momma" and "Dadda" and something that sounds a lot like "Georgia." He LOVES his sister. As soon as Patrick climbs the stairs, he beelines into his sister's room to play with her American Girl Dolls and other toys left on the floor. I think he's actually looking for Georgia - even though she's at school or elsewhere. When he's not playing in his sister's room, Patrick is playing with his trucks and cars in his room. He LOVES all things with wheels ... including Georgia's American Girl Doll wheelchair. He just spins the wheels and seems to never get bored by them. I caught him the other day checking out a friend's wheels on their SUV parked in our driveway! Patrick even like the wheels on his pack-n-play! Who knows what all this means.
Tomorrow is Breast Cancer Awareness Day at Georgia's school. In addition to her pink uniform shirt with gray uniform jumper, she plans to wear her pink Chuck Taylor's, our Patrick's Platoon tshirt worn as a cape, my oversized Avon Walk pink ribbon around her neck that states "Every Three Minutes a Woman is Diagnosed with Breast Cancer," my pink camoflauge breast cancer hat, and maybe more. Georgia is so mature when it comes to talking about my breast cancer. She has been amazingly strong throughout this whole journey and I am so proud of her!
I'm doing well - just tired from being the mom of an active baby/toddler who sometimes doesn't sleep all night. I love it though. Patrick's first year has gone by so fast ... I try to savor every moment. My next follow-up appointment with my oncologist is November 9. I expect (hope) that all continues to look good. I sure do feel good.
Happy birthday to my dear son.
Love to all!
Jana
Patrick is the coolest, laid-back, happy baby! He has quite a funny personality. At bedtime/naptime, just when we think he is asleep in our arms - or pretty close to being asleep - and is transferred into his crib, Patrick almost always rolls over, sits up, then stands up and tosses his head back with a belly-laugh. We melt. How can you not laugh when he does that? Just this week, Patrick has begun walking. He takes a few steps, then sits down. He is so proud of himself.
Patrick babbles "Momma" and "Dadda" and something that sounds a lot like "Georgia." He LOVES his sister. As soon as Patrick climbs the stairs, he beelines into his sister's room to play with her American Girl Dolls and other toys left on the floor. I think he's actually looking for Georgia - even though she's at school or elsewhere. When he's not playing in his sister's room, Patrick is playing with his trucks and cars in his room. He LOVES all things with wheels ... including Georgia's American Girl Doll wheelchair. He just spins the wheels and seems to never get bored by them. I caught him the other day checking out a friend's wheels on their SUV parked in our driveway! Patrick even like the wheels on his pack-n-play! Who knows what all this means.
Tomorrow is Breast Cancer Awareness Day at Georgia's school. In addition to her pink uniform shirt with gray uniform jumper, she plans to wear her pink Chuck Taylor's, our Patrick's Platoon tshirt worn as a cape, my oversized Avon Walk pink ribbon around her neck that states "Every Three Minutes a Woman is Diagnosed with Breast Cancer," my pink camoflauge breast cancer hat, and maybe more. Georgia is so mature when it comes to talking about my breast cancer. She has been amazingly strong throughout this whole journey and I am so proud of her!
I'm doing well - just tired from being the mom of an active baby/toddler who sometimes doesn't sleep all night. I love it though. Patrick's first year has gone by so fast ... I try to savor every moment. My next follow-up appointment with my oncologist is November 9. I expect (hope) that all continues to look good. I sure do feel good.
Happy birthday to my dear son.
Love to all!
Jana
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Early summer musings
Just back from a quick trip to Georgia for a celebration of my Great Aunt Margaret's life. I'm so glad that I could be there with my children. I loved being able to introduce Patrick to my extended family. Had a great time at Uncle Les and Brian's for a birthday party for Julie (1), Oliver (4) and Georgia (9). Thanks guys for going all out with the balloons, gourmet cupcakes and slip & slide!
Today, my new friend Sara is beginning chemo. She is about 27 weeks pregnant. Please keep her in your prayers. You can read her blog at supportingsara.blogspot.com.
My Georgia turns 9 tomorrow! Hard to believe. She just began three weeks of day camp at Game On! Sports Camp for Girls held at Lake Forest College. We are preparing to send her to my former camp - Keystone in Brevard, NC for two weeks in July. My baby is growing up!
Patrick has two teeth and is teething the top two. He developed croup yesterday after battling a bug while down south. I'm trying to catch up from the Avon Walk, etc. So excited to go to Waussakee, WI this weekend for a couples retreat with my book club.
Happy summer!
Jana
Today, my new friend Sara is beginning chemo. She is about 27 weeks pregnant. Please keep her in your prayers. You can read her blog at supportingsara.blogspot.com.
My Georgia turns 9 tomorrow! Hard to believe. She just began three weeks of day camp at Game On! Sports Camp for Girls held at Lake Forest College. We are preparing to send her to my former camp - Keystone in Brevard, NC for two weeks in July. My baby is growing up!
Patrick has two teeth and is teething the top two. He developed croup yesterday after battling a bug while down south. I'm trying to catch up from the Avon Walk, etc. So excited to go to Waussakee, WI this weekend for a couples retreat with my book club.
Happy summer!
Jana
Monday, June 7, 2010
We did it!
We did it!! Friday night we all got together at the beautiful family home of Karen Uihlein. (Thank you Karen!) Lots of family and friends came together for this special event. We had a little welcome ceremony with champagne toast to introduce the out-of-towners to my local friends. I handed out gift bags to each of us loaded with all things pink including our team t-shirt, pink camo with our team name "Patrick's Platoon" across the back. Then it was early to bed for a good night sleep. We woke up at 4:30 a.m., grabbed a muffin and some fruit and loaded into the van (with Larry, our awesome driver). We got to Soldier field at 6 a.m. for the welcome ceremony and we were off and walking by 7 a.m.!
Some of the girls were faster than others, so we broke up into several smaller groups. The scenery was beautiful and the weather was lovely until around 10:00 a.m. as clouds rolled in and the drizzle turned into a steady rain. Luckily, my sister Rebecca handed out rain ponchos to each of us. By the time we got to lunch at mile 10 we were pretty wet, but the rain tapered off and the skies cleared (we even saw the sun again!) Our van was coming to pick us up around 4 p.m., half of the girls finished the walk by then...26 miles!! (those girls really moved!!) the other half finished close to 17 miles! We all hit the wellness center for some much-needed yoga to stretch and the massage chairs (glad we got there early!) Then in our van and headed back to the house. In the van we discussed all of our various injuries...many blisters, sore legs and hips and overall aches and pains. This was much harder than any of us thought! At the house we all showered and enjoyed much needed massages. The dinner was amazing, but we were all exhausted and headed to bed. The next morning was crazy hard to get motivated, but we rallied and got out the door by 7 a.m. Larry brought us coffee and donuts and even wore pink in honor of our walk. We were bandaged and back at the starting gate by 8 a.m. The day couldn't have been prettier. Sunny skies in the 70's with a slight breeze. 13 miles today, the group staggered a little bit but we all met up at the 10 mile mark for lunch and then it was just 3 miles to go. The cheering fans along the way and all the horn honking really helped to motivate! We crossed the finish lines with our families in tow (such a special moment!) the weather changed again and it began to rain, the families left and we headed to the closing ceremony. I put on a "Survivor" t-shirt and joined the 300 other survivors for this moving end to an incredible weekend.
Thank you to my dear teammates for walking with and for me and raising nearly $33,000 for the Avon Foundation to support breast cancer programs.
Some of the girls were faster than others, so we broke up into several smaller groups. The scenery was beautiful and the weather was lovely until around 10:00 a.m. as clouds rolled in and the drizzle turned into a steady rain. Luckily, my sister Rebecca handed out rain ponchos to each of us. By the time we got to lunch at mile 10 we were pretty wet, but the rain tapered off and the skies cleared (we even saw the sun again!) Our van was coming to pick us up around 4 p.m., half of the girls finished the walk by then...26 miles!! (those girls really moved!!) the other half finished close to 17 miles! We all hit the wellness center for some much-needed yoga to stretch and the massage chairs (glad we got there early!) Then in our van and headed back to the house. In the van we discussed all of our various injuries...many blisters, sore legs and hips and overall aches and pains. This was much harder than any of us thought! At the house we all showered and enjoyed much needed massages. The dinner was amazing, but we were all exhausted and headed to bed. The next morning was crazy hard to get motivated, but we rallied and got out the door by 7 a.m. Larry brought us coffee and donuts and even wore pink in honor of our walk. We were bandaged and back at the starting gate by 8 a.m. The day couldn't have been prettier. Sunny skies in the 70's with a slight breeze. 13 miles today, the group staggered a little bit but we all met up at the 10 mile mark for lunch and then it was just 3 miles to go. The cheering fans along the way and all the horn honking really helped to motivate! We crossed the finish lines with our families in tow (such a special moment!) the weather changed again and it began to rain, the families left and we headed to the closing ceremony. I put on a "Survivor" t-shirt and joined the 300 other survivors for this moving end to an incredible weekend.
Thank you to my dear teammates for walking with and for me and raising nearly $33,000 for the Avon Foundation to support breast cancer programs.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Patrick's Platoon!
We are one day away from the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer! When I signed up for this in January, it felt like it was years away!! But it's HERE! My team of 14 is gearing up. We have are practically giddy with excitement! We are decked in pink, have pink nails, pink flip flops, cute pink camo t-shirts that say "Fight Cancer" and "Patrick's Platoon," pink camo bandaids and on and on.
Tonight and tomorrow night, we will all stay together in our friend's large guest house. At 5 a.m. tomorrow, we will be picked up by a van to take us to Chicago to begin the 26 mile walk. Opening ceremonies will be at Soldier Field and we will end in Warren Park at a special Wellness Village. Our driver will take us back to Lake Forest where we will be met by 3 massage therapists and dinner. Early to bed to begin again on Sunday at 8 a.m. for 13.3 miles back to Soldier Field. Our spouses and children will meet us at Buckingham Fountain and some of the kids will walk this final mile with us. My children - Georgia and Patrick will cross the finish line with me! I am so excited to actually cross this finish line and put my whole breast cancer experience officially behind me!
Thanks for all your support, prayers and love!
xxoo
Jana
Tonight and tomorrow night, we will all stay together in our friend's large guest house. At 5 a.m. tomorrow, we will be picked up by a van to take us to Chicago to begin the 26 mile walk. Opening ceremonies will be at Soldier Field and we will end in Warren Park at a special Wellness Village. Our driver will take us back to Lake Forest where we will be met by 3 massage therapists and dinner. Early to bed to begin again on Sunday at 8 a.m. for 13.3 miles back to Soldier Field. Our spouses and children will meet us at Buckingham Fountain and some of the kids will walk this final mile with us. My children - Georgia and Patrick will cross the finish line with me! I am so excited to actually cross this finish line and put my whole breast cancer experience officially behind me!
Thanks for all your support, prayers and love!
xxoo
Jana
Monday, May 24, 2010
Pray for Sara!
Dear all,
I know I have neglected to update this blog since I finished radiation on March 19. My days are now filled with carrying for baby Patrick instead of daily doctor's appointments. I've done a little traveling - to Georgia for 18 days for Spring Break; to New Orleans for a long weekend to celebrate Maureen's 40th birthday; and Indianapolis to chaperone 50 third graders for a two-day school trip. I'm training and preparing my team of 14 dear friends and family for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Chicago on June 5-6. Patrick now has 2 teeth and Georgia is about to wrap up another school year. P.J. is great and is enjoying having a baby boy to watch the Hawks and Cubs with on tv.
My life was changed forever by breast cancer and I am thankful to have the chance to help another woman in my same situation. Today, my new friend and breast cancer sister, Sara is having a double mastectomy. Sara is also 25 weeks pregnant. Coincidentally, she is also having her surgery at Evanston Hospital and is with the same oncological surgery group, plastic surgeon's group and maternal fetal medicine group that as I was. My heart hurts for Sara and her family. Getting to know her has brought my memories flooding back. I'm reliving my own journey through her as she prepares for chemo, childbirth, more chemo and possibly radiation. I knew I would meet another woman some day in a similar situation; I never thought it would be so soon and she would live so close to me. When you read this, please take a moment to say a prayer and send positive thoughts Sara's way.
I promise not to let so much time go by before I write again. My journey through cancer is nearly over, but I'll be dealing with the aftermath for a long time.
Thank you!
Love,
Jana
I know I have neglected to update this blog since I finished radiation on March 19. My days are now filled with carrying for baby Patrick instead of daily doctor's appointments. I've done a little traveling - to Georgia for 18 days for Spring Break; to New Orleans for a long weekend to celebrate Maureen's 40th birthday; and Indianapolis to chaperone 50 third graders for a two-day school trip. I'm training and preparing my team of 14 dear friends and family for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Chicago on June 5-6. Patrick now has 2 teeth and Georgia is about to wrap up another school year. P.J. is great and is enjoying having a baby boy to watch the Hawks and Cubs with on tv.
My life was changed forever by breast cancer and I am thankful to have the chance to help another woman in my same situation. Today, my new friend and breast cancer sister, Sara is having a double mastectomy. Sara is also 25 weeks pregnant. Coincidentally, she is also having her surgery at Evanston Hospital and is with the same oncological surgery group, plastic surgeon's group and maternal fetal medicine group that as I was. My heart hurts for Sara and her family. Getting to know her has brought my memories flooding back. I'm reliving my own journey through her as she prepares for chemo, childbirth, more chemo and possibly radiation. I knew I would meet another woman some day in a similar situation; I never thought it would be so soon and she would live so close to me. When you read this, please take a moment to say a prayer and send positive thoughts Sara's way.
I promise not to let so much time go by before I write again. My journey through cancer is nearly over, but I'll be dealing with the aftermath for a long time.
Thank you!
Love,
Jana
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